Over the past four months, I have realized quite a few things. Namely, that people, no matter how close you are to them, will surprise you.
I guess the biggest one of these is my roommate. It’s at her discretion if she reads this; it’s my journal and I don’t have to censor it. Basically, she has lied to me for over three months. She has hurt me. She has sold me out. She has proven that everything was a facade, that she was acting when she said I was one of her best friends. If that was the case, she would have cared a little about how she was making me feel. Instead, she has had the audacity to criticize me for things that she condoned. She has proven to be the cold, heartless bitch that she always said she was. Add to that her inconsiderate, childish attitude and everyone can see that this is not the best situation. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to be so two-faced, but she is. And, though this might be in vain, I was right about everything. I know it, Dallas knows it, Bethany knows it, everyone I confide in knows it. So, I win.
I tried to find it in my heart to forgive her, but everytime I think I’m making progress she does something that so thoroughly frustrates and angers me that I think I might freak out. Most of you know how that goes. I am almost to my breaking point. She’s woken me up for at least 10 of the last 14 nights. It’s not like I’ve just fallen asleep either; it’s after like an hour or so of sleep. Then she plays at her computer… which I would sternly be reprimanded for (and have been). No courtesy for anything but her selfish self.
To add to this, she has made it perfectly clear how little I mean in her life. I went through the hurt phase, the angry phase, and now I’m in the ‘I-don’t-care-what-you-do’ phase. I keep thinking that she’ll snap out of it, heaven knows she does when she wants something or when she’s putting on a show, but I don’t think in the long term she will. Despite her thinking that problems disappear if you don’t talk about them, they don’t. I should just get over it. She isn’t worth it. The entire situation has made me realize how nice other people are though, a definite plus.
And another topic, one of my friends was in the hospital this past week. She was very sick and almost died. Even her surgeon was scared because he didn’t know what to do. However, there is a happy ending in that she is okay and is recouping at her mom’s house. She surprised me in that my persistence with her paid off. (ask for details if you want some).
I realized something in contrasting these two situations. It’s very hard for me to give up on people. I forgive easily if someone shows that they really are sorry.
That’s all I have time for now as I should be writing my lit paper. I’ll talk to you all soon!