A little update… maybe a little more detail this time. I might possibly even ramble a bit.

I really, really have no idea what I am doing in life. Since college happens to be my life and I have yet to find a major that fits me, I feel like I have zero purpose in life. This poses another problem, I know I have definite things I want to do with my life, but lacking any direction or focus is thus hindering my overall goal. I basically cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I feel like all of everything is bottled up inside me and that maybe one day I will be the person that I dream that I will become. It’s just a long road and I don’t always feel like I am very deserving of the good things. I think I habitually think that I am only deserving of the things that hurt me the most, the ones that make me feel the worst inside. I feel like a bad person even though I know that I really am not. It just runs across my mind.

Now, I leave you with a song from Providence. I just like it. It fits.

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I am walking past the sprinklers and the newly painted porches
And the lemonade stand girls on a suburban afternoon
I am leaving cuz I love you, I am leaving cuz I don’t
And I am hoping you will follow, and I’m praying that you won’t
Let me go

I am captive in your presence I will melt before your eyes
But I still crave your approval, and I’m helpless when you criticize, criticize

Cause it’s written on your body — it’s on the tip of your tongue
The look in your eyes, in the glare of the sun
The touch of your cold fingers, when you say goodbye
The way that you linger
The way that you lie

You saw me through the keyhole of a door that I kept locked
But I’d decorate the threshold just in case you knocked
What I might feel on the edges you will never come to know
And who I might be in the corners I will never ever ever ever show
Never show

Cause it’s written on my body — it’s on the tip of my tongue
The look in my eyes, in the glare of the sun
The touch of my cold fingers, when I say goodbye
The way that I linger
The way that I lie

Who said that love would linger who said that love would last
When we cannot seize the moment and we will not leave the past
I don’t think I was afraid of you but how could I be sure
When with every altercation you were showing me the door
Well here I go, here I go, here I go…

Cause it’s written on our bodies — it’s on the tip of our tongues
The look in our eyes, in the glare of the sun
The touch of our cold fingers, when we say goodbye
The way that we linger
The way that we lie
The touch of your fingers
The look in your eyes
The way we accuse
The way we deny

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