I should be sleeping… but I’m not.

Earlier today, I was reading through my old emails… emails I should have deleted long ago, but haven’t. Reading them, I realized how different my life is today than in the past. I barely keep in touch with some of the people I used to talk to all the time.

God always seems to know what you need and when you need it. Reading the emails, I came to to the realization that I really am not the one in charge and that, with time, the things I desire in life will happen. I just need to be patient because my life is planned for me. Some things in life hurt, others don’t, but no matter what, life is meant to be lived to its fullest because nothing happens without a reason behind it. Everything happens for a reason.

Things lately have been getting to be too much. Too many changes to what I perceived to be a sense of stability. Friday was a down day… where I found myself wanting to cry whenever I was alone. I don’t understand why that happens… when I just feel overwhelmed without anything in particular happening. It makes me feel like my life is crashing down around me. In reality, nothing has really happened to make me feel the way that I do. I don’t really understand it at all and I can’t really explain something that I can’t comprehend.

I missed Brianne’s first birthday party today (well, sunday). I feel really bad about it. I was okay with it, but I am realizing how bad a friend I really am to Cass. I mean, I missed the bridal shower and now her daughter’s first birthday. I’m never around and nothing I do will ever make up for missing the important milestone’s in her life. Apparently the party was a big-to-do, being held at the fire hall in order to fit the over 100 people that were coming. I asked my mom if she was going to have a party like that for each of my future children with a resounding “NO” as my answer. It’s a little excessive if you ask me, but it’s not my family. It’s been a crazy 14 months… but HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BRIANNE!!!! (not that she can read or will ever see this… it just makes me feel better .

I really do need some sleep. I have an exam at ten today, but I know when I lay down again I won’t be able to fall asleep. However, I am going to try again in a few minutes… after I try to post pictures.

“We won’t be sad… We’ll be glad for all the life we’ve had when we… Remember When….”